Let me introduce you to Jẹgúdújẹrá, (Chop-and-quench).
Do you know how the Jẹgúdújẹrá Nigerian eats chicken thigh?
Set the plate of chicken thigh in front of Jẹgúdújẹrá, and the eyes bulge, opening as wide as possible.
A wide smile distorts Jẹgúdújẹrá’s face into a demonic mask of inner delight.
Jẹgúdújẹrá starts with the flesh. With studied concentration, Jẹgúdújẹrá bites deep into the flesh until the entire mouth is full, with both cheeks bulging.
At that point, Jẹgúdújẹrá cannot talk any longer.
Jẹgúdújẹrá’s open eyes, fully popped, are doing the talking.
But, slowly the fully open eyes begin to close, though the bulging cheeks of the Jẹgúdújẹrá remain distended, as if about to burst and explode, filled with chicken meat.
After some time, the eyes of the Jẹgúdújẹrá fully close as the juices of the chicken release dopamine into the brain, eliminating all opportunities to think.
The Jẹgúdújẹrá, at this point, has become a robotic munching machine.
The eyes of Jẹgúdújẹrá will not open again until all the flesh of the chicken thigh is gone, and the bulging cheeks have flattened.
At that point, the Jẹgúdújẹrá opens the eyes, sizes up the bone of the chicken thigh.
Then the jẹgúdújẹrá picks up the bone by the tiny joint at the base, and uses his teeth to scape off the last bits of tendons, ligaments and tiniest fragments of flesh hanging on to the bone.
In a moment of silence, the bone becomes white clean, shaved of any flesh left, with his eyes now fully open; but his mouth still not talking, Jẹgúdújẹrá searches for any remnant or surviving reminders of meat on that bone.
Now the eyes are working full time, until satisfied there is no meat left.
Jẹgúdújẹrá then drops the bone on the plate with a heavy sigh of triumph.
Does Jẹgúdújẹrá stand up and leave the table? No.
Jẹgúdújẹrá then talks, muttering, with delight, “Ha! Biscuit bone!!!”
Jẹgúdújẹrá gingerly picks up the bone, and, in one swift motion, introduces it into the mouth, like a chewing stick.
With a crack sound, the bone splits open. Jẹgúdújẹrá sucks out the mùndùn-múndùn contents of the bone marrow.
Once the mùndùn-múndùn of bone marrow is swallowed and gone, Jẹgúdújẹrá blows it like a whistle, just to ensure that nothing is hiding inside it.
If the sound coming from the bone marrow is not clean and sharp, Jẹgúdújẹrá continues to suck it, and test it until the sound is fully tuned to its highest note.
And then, the cracking and crushing of the bone begin.
That is no longer the job of the incisors at the front of the jaw. It is now the duty of the crushing teeth, the molars and premolars.
The tried and trusted molars will grind the crushed bones into powdery substances that the Jẹgúdújẹrá gulps down, atom by atom until it is all gone.
This is when Jẹgúdújẹrá looks around the plate and uses the fingers to mop up any crumb of flesh, tendon, or bone that might have fallen unnoticed.
Now fully done, Jẹgúdújẹrá is satisfied that there is no evidence that a chicken thigh was ever on that plate.
That’s the way Jẹgúdújẹrá politicians, multimillionaires, and all the looters of Nigerians attack the national treasury.
It is Olodumare that has saved us from the teeth and throats of my Jẹgúdújẹrá politicians and their collaborators.
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