GOOD FAKE NEWS

GOOD FAKE NEWS

Photo: still in solitary confinement at home.

I’m not taking the vaccine.

Not yet.

Waiting to see what happens.

The lack of sunlight is depleting the melanin shield of my skin.

But I take Vitamin D supplements to compensate for a lack of access to sunlight.

Last night I was looking for my pet elephant and discovered it was hiding inside my beard.

That’s fake news.

Good fake news.

Sometimes when you learn that some news was fake news and not real news, you are not mad but happy; you heave a heavy sigh of relief.

I was happy to hear that Professor Soyinka was not cowhandled by any Fulani herdsmen.

That there was a little misunderstanding concerning some Fulani herders who had strayed into his compound; or were looking for their cows that strayed into his yard; or they were preventing straying cows from entering his adugbo.

It still remains unclear precisely what happened between Professor Soyinka and the cow herders two days ago.

One thing is clear though: we were happy to hear that the great professor is unscathed.

Now, imagine, for a second, if the worst had happened!

What would the Yoruba people have said! Wahala de!

Would they have said, “We tried our best, but the Fulani herders were so smart and wicked that they got our first and only Nobel laureate?”

Or, would they have said, “Maybe this is getting serious. If they could get him, the rest of us are not safe.”

Or, perhaps, “Maybe it might be smart to just shut up and cooperate with these Fulani guys. They already got our laureate.”

Or, maybe, “If we were not so full of Omoluabi ways, we would have retaliated after they got our only laureate.”

We could even begin to debate whether we should call him “a distinguished son of Oodua,” or” a distinguished Yoruba son.”

But this time we were lucky it was just fake news.

Good fake news, because we couldn’t really bear that loss.

But are we not playing it too close?

Are we always going to be this lucky?

Or might it be better to do something decisive now rather than risk it all and continue to hope it will always be good fake news?

There have been too many unknown Soyinkas who have lost their lives to the invasion of the Fulani herdsmen, and for whom the report of an assault and death was not fake news.

Isn’t being Nigerian becoming an unnecessary risk and stress to subject our Yoruba people to?

Nations smaller than us in number and land size are living in peace and prosperity.

Orisa bi o o le gbe mi, why not just leave me as you met me?